How do I...

Ever get over you?

I know where you went when you left last night... I could feel it in my bones.  I want to be happy for you because you are obviously happy.  But I am having a really hard time with all of this right now.  It seems so effortless for you to let it happen and I'm afraid, I'll never find that ease.  It hurts me tremendously that you've been able to work through this and I'm still stuck as your wife in my brain.  What you and I had (and continue to alternately have) was/is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I know I have to let you go.  I know that I do... I just don't know how.  I don't find solace in trying to find someone else... I'm pretty much living the theory that someone is just going to have to blow me away for me to start to let go of the heartstrings that tie me to you... so far, no dice.  Nicky wants me so bad she can't stand it.  Sarah wants me so bad that I can't stand it... but neither one of them have your charm, your humor, you insatiable need to have a good time, or your understanding of how my brain and heart work. 

I'm too deep into you and there is no lifeline to help me crawl out.  I don't want 'us' to be my undoing... but it is a train that is barreling toward me and my foot is stuck in the track.  Do you know what that's like?  I don't know if anyone does, but...

I HAVE to find a way out.  You're moving on and I have to be okay with that.  It's probably time for me to stop wallowing in my own misery and I need to gain some separation... only trouble is, you are my confidant... you're my emotional provider... my only one.  I feel like I've done too much growing already in my life.  I know more and hurt more than one person should.  Your dad... your aunt Sue... they are my family too and I grieve for them as well. 

I will try today to start over.  I will try to find someone who will help me get past the love and the loss that I feel for you.  I suppose I have to start somewhere, right?