Things you need to know about me but probably never will...

• I need love like an addict needs drugs.
• People that I care about hurt me more than they will ever know by not knowing how I really feel.
• I don't feel like I should have to spell it out for them.
• I used to lie all the time and I hated myself for it.  I'm trying to be honest with everyone and I'm hating myself for that too.
• I've only felt close enough to someone to relax once in my life.  I keep getting closer and farther away to finding that again every day.
• I'm always the elephant in the room... because of who I am, what I want, what I know, or how I love... you can pick one at any given time and it would probably be right.
• I find that if I'm not in the middle of multiple levels of chaos, then I am not wanted or needed and therefore not loved.
• If I can't have what I want, I will get as close as I can and then I just make myself hurt more because I'm closer and there is no answer to my problem.
• I wonder why we only have 'those' conversations when you've been drinking... am I that terrible that you have to be drunk to think about that?  Because you know I already lived with that for 10 years and it destroyed what little self-esteem I had.
• My past has destroyed me... 
• My family has destroyed me...
• My anger has destroyed me...
• My love has destroyed me...
• This is killing me...